To say that "nobody" reads my blogs is an understatement. Perhaps one or two of you will stray away from watching the extremely overrated "Ninja Warrior" long enough to read a couple sentences of one of my posts or get redirected to my blog when you type in "Jake Gyllenhaal" to a Google image search...
...which, by the way, gives you THIS picture:
(+30 points for liking what you just saw.)
(-35 points if you just got thirty points and you're a guy.)
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
Tonight on "What are you smoking, Jake?", we'll take a hard look into the question that's been plaguing the University of Mobile student body all semester:
WHY DID WE BUY THAT STUPID RAM???!!!
Well, I think it may have had something to do with school spirit. See, the thing is...I think there's a lot of school spirit here. Students go to sporting events, everybody supports the cheerleaders...probably more than they should, and every single human being on this campus has either ridden on the ram or contemplated riding on the ram.
(+5 points for having actually ridden the ram.)
(-5 points for riding it inappropriately.)
"School spirit" is a cop-out. The school board knows the seniors voted for a bronze ram because it was the most ridiculous thing they could think of...also the most unnecessary. I mean, that's a lot of money.
Things you could buy with $3500:
- MORE expensive HDTV's in the cafe that nobody watches
- Hire someone to actually build the new additions to the cafe...who will work.
- Save 35 lives in Africa
- Help a homeless man get back on the right track
- Start a homeless shelter in inner-city Mobile
- Buy your kids some shoes this Christmas...don't let them walk to school cold just because some retards told you a bronze statue was more important
- Leave behind a REAL legacy...like getting us a new internet service provider
- Get a couple of phone towers set up so we can all have RECEPTION, FOR ONCE!!!
These are a few of my favorite things, people...
Can you imagine thirty-five hundred dollars worth of tacos from Taco Bell??? Of course, down here...we'd be waiting years to get them anyway.
Am I too cynical?
Love and affection,
Jacob Smith
1 comment:
"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?"
How's that for a caption?
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