Whether you think you do or not, you know me fairly well.
Let's list some things that I am:
- White (Italian, mainly)
- Medium height (short to some...)
- Of average intelligence... (Although test scores say I'm above 98% of American students...which scares me greatly!)
- Obsessed with video games
- Obsessed with pop culture in general
- A friend of Jesus
- Psychotic
- Fairly good at giving relationship advice
- Confident
- Caring
- Easy to get along with
Well...if you didn't know me, you do now. I'm not complicated. I used to try to be...or at least convince people that I was. I'm not though. Don't worry. : )
Please...tell me about yourselves.
Better yet...does anyone need advice on anything? Ask away, kids. I love talking. Most of you that graduated know I love talking.
By the way...can I just give one big apology to everyone I graduated with? I'm sorry I was a loner all those years. I'm sorry I didn't talk to some of you. I'm sorry I put everyone is a "group". That's lame. I wish I could go back and do things differently...maybe change a few more peoples' lives or just leave you guys with a better opinion of me. I wasn't very school spirit-oriented. I didn't get involved (drama doesn't count...lols). I wish I had played baseball. I LOVE baseball!
Oh well.
I wish everyone the best. It's good to see some of you getting married and earning respectable jobs. Now...some of you need to try a little harder. I may still work at McDonalds...but at least I'm paying for my own school. : ) Believe me...when I'm done with school...I'm outta here.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Attention Cool Kids!!!
Yeah...
So, I know what you're thinking: "Jake...you aren't THAT crazy. I'm crazier than you are!"
Well...
No.
No, you aren't.
If you find yourself being a lot like me or doing things resembling my lifestyle on a daily basis...I urge you to seek professional help. This will help:
WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! This is amazing!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDBpQVhCMb8
Alright...let's get started here.
( + 10 points if you at at McDonald's in the passed three days)
Yeah, I was working when you got your food...I guarantee it! I've worked far too much lately. It's not that I particularly WANT to work. I just need the money. I have school to pay off. Also, I have a girlfriend! She claims to be inexpensive though. I don't care how "inexpensive" she thinks she is...I'll buy her things she doesn't even LIKE...just so I can spend money on her. : ) She never asks for anything. I mean, fo' reelz yo! This girl's legit! How many of you guys are looking for a girl like that? All of you, you say? FIND YOUR OWN!!! Lols...I digress. Other than that, I just need to keep money back for other things in the future. Oh...and if your food wasn't that good...I wasn't working. I like to maintain quality...even if it makes everyone working with me angry. : )
( - 10 points if you work with me) ...sorry, Shelby.
I'm glad that you all invited people to my group...even if you were a little ridiculous about it. Keep inviting people. I mean, it's not necessarily important that everyone reads this blog. I just want it to get big enough that Peter Jackson sees it and produces my first masterpiece.
That brings me to my next point. I'm currently working on a horror film. I'd like a little help with some stuff though. Although she doesn't know it yet, Cori (my sister) and I will be writing the script soon. Yes...it will be extremely campy. : ) Without a budget, it's nigh impossible to create a horror film that people can take seriously. Also...I'm expecting some actors to volunteer. If you can act...or even if you can't, but think you can (because I'm sure we'll see you regardless)...please let me know. I'll be writing more on that later.
Just remember: Project Bludgeon. : )
I want criticism. Seriously.
Tell me what's wrong with me.
Am I a jerk? Am I a loser? Do I talk to much? Am I lazy? I'd like to know. If I have come off as a jerk to anyone...and I mean ANYONE...let me know. Life's too short to not love everyone.
Let's wrap this "shorterthaniwasexpecting" blog entry up with a little segment I like to call "What the heck, Jake?"
This is where I tell a story and you worry about my mental stability.
So...
I was at work yesterday when I got bored. I asked if I could take a short bathroom break because we weren't busy. So, I go to the little guys room...stand in front of the urinal...and start texting. On the way in, I had noticed that a rather large individual (or so I was led to believe by his shadow) was in the actual stall, sitting down. Now, I'm not sure how many of you have noticed it at this point in your lives, but when a person is in a stall and another person walks in the bathroom...their bowels seize to move. It's an automatic reaction to other human beings watching you do that.
Anyway,
I'm there...just texting muh gurl (Hi, Shelby!)...and this guy freezes! He goes from rustling about, coughing, and breathing heavily...to complete silence. So...I do what any respectable kid would do in my situation.
I kept texting.
I had planned on being in there for a minute tops. Now...this was a game. This was a challenge. This was entertainment. I wanted to see how long this ol' portly chap could last without losing his mind and giving in to the discomfort. I made a bet with myself. If this guy could hold out another two minutes, I'd congratulate him on the way out. If he couldn't, I'd punish him.
It's also another rather common fact that when someone turns on the automatic hand dryer...the person in the stall goes about his or her business...knowing that they have just enough time to feel semi-accomplished.
He lost. : )
Within 45 seconds of my betting myself, the man gasped for air. His breathing and rustling had continued. One thing hadn't though. : ) His bowels.
Perhaps the man knew full well that having anyone in the same bathroom with you makes the majority of people uncomfortable. He was playing the game.
This is what I did:
- I put my hands under the sink.
- I turned the water on...slowly...
- Reaching for the soap, I exclaimed, "Dang it! They're out of soap again!" (They weren't.)
- I turned the water off.
- I hit the towel machine a couple of times to get a towel out.
(Keep in mind...I've been in here for about 5 minutes...)
- I dry my hands off a little.
- I walk over to the automatic hand dryer and hit the button.
Yep. Just like I had planned it...the man was good to go. It was too good to pass up though. I quickly put my hand over the vent of the hand dryer...to silence it. His reaction was nothing short of epic.
It was almost as if he knew I was messing with him.
He starts laughing. Yes. Laughing. Whether it was to cover up the noise or because he thought something was funny, I'll never know. Regardless, I'm impressed. Most people would have coughed a few times and gotten back in prone position until I was gone. No. This guy was good.
This hand dryer turned off...
As I left the restroom...I left him with this greeting: "Well played, good sir. Well played."
I could hear him laughing well after I closed the door behind me.
That's my story, folks.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Goodnight, kids.
- Crazy
So, I know what you're thinking: "Jake...you aren't THAT crazy. I'm crazier than you are!"
Well...
No.
No, you aren't.
If you find yourself being a lot like me or doing things resembling my lifestyle on a daily basis...I urge you to seek professional help. This will help:
WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! This is amazing!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDBpQVhCMb8
Alright...let's get started here.
( + 10 points if you at at McDonald's in the passed three days)
Yeah, I was working when you got your food...I guarantee it! I've worked far too much lately. It's not that I particularly WANT to work. I just need the money. I have school to pay off. Also, I have a girlfriend! She claims to be inexpensive though. I don't care how "inexpensive" she thinks she is...I'll buy her things she doesn't even LIKE...just so I can spend money on her. : ) She never asks for anything. I mean, fo' reelz yo! This girl's legit! How many of you guys are looking for a girl like that? All of you, you say? FIND YOUR OWN!!! Lols...I digress. Other than that, I just need to keep money back for other things in the future. Oh...and if your food wasn't that good...I wasn't working. I like to maintain quality...even if it makes everyone working with me angry. : )
( - 10 points if you work with me) ...sorry, Shelby.
I'm glad that you all invited people to my group...even if you were a little ridiculous about it. Keep inviting people. I mean, it's not necessarily important that everyone reads this blog. I just want it to get big enough that Peter Jackson sees it and produces my first masterpiece.
That brings me to my next point. I'm currently working on a horror film. I'd like a little help with some stuff though. Although she doesn't know it yet, Cori (my sister) and I will be writing the script soon. Yes...it will be extremely campy. : ) Without a budget, it's nigh impossible to create a horror film that people can take seriously. Also...I'm expecting some actors to volunteer. If you can act...or even if you can't, but think you can (because I'm sure we'll see you regardless)...please let me know. I'll be writing more on that later.
Just remember: Project Bludgeon. : )
I want criticism. Seriously.
Tell me what's wrong with me.
Am I a jerk? Am I a loser? Do I talk to much? Am I lazy? I'd like to know. If I have come off as a jerk to anyone...and I mean ANYONE...let me know. Life's too short to not love everyone.
Let's wrap this "shorterthaniwasexpecting" blog entry up with a little segment I like to call "What the heck, Jake?"
This is where I tell a story and you worry about my mental stability.
So...
I was at work yesterday when I got bored. I asked if I could take a short bathroom break because we weren't busy. So, I go to the little guys room...stand in front of the urinal...and start texting. On the way in, I had noticed that a rather large individual (or so I was led to believe by his shadow) was in the actual stall, sitting down. Now, I'm not sure how many of you have noticed it at this point in your lives, but when a person is in a stall and another person walks in the bathroom...their bowels seize to move. It's an automatic reaction to other human beings watching you do that.
Anyway,
I'm there...just texting muh gurl (Hi, Shelby!)...and this guy freezes! He goes from rustling about, coughing, and breathing heavily...to complete silence. So...I do what any respectable kid would do in my situation.
I kept texting.
I had planned on being in there for a minute tops. Now...this was a game. This was a challenge. This was entertainment. I wanted to see how long this ol' portly chap could last without losing his mind and giving in to the discomfort. I made a bet with myself. If this guy could hold out another two minutes, I'd congratulate him on the way out. If he couldn't, I'd punish him.
It's also another rather common fact that when someone turns on the automatic hand dryer...the person in the stall goes about his or her business...knowing that they have just enough time to feel semi-accomplished.
He lost. : )
Within 45 seconds of my betting myself, the man gasped for air. His breathing and rustling had continued. One thing hadn't though. : ) His bowels.
Perhaps the man knew full well that having anyone in the same bathroom with you makes the majority of people uncomfortable. He was playing the game.
This is what I did:
- I put my hands under the sink.
- I turned the water on...slowly...
- Reaching for the soap, I exclaimed, "Dang it! They're out of soap again!" (They weren't.)
- I turned the water off.
- I hit the towel machine a couple of times to get a towel out.
(Keep in mind...I've been in here for about 5 minutes...)
- I dry my hands off a little.
- I walk over to the automatic hand dryer and hit the button.
Yep. Just like I had planned it...the man was good to go. It was too good to pass up though. I quickly put my hand over the vent of the hand dryer...to silence it. His reaction was nothing short of epic.
It was almost as if he knew I was messing with him.
He starts laughing. Yes. Laughing. Whether it was to cover up the noise or because he thought something was funny, I'll never know. Regardless, I'm impressed. Most people would have coughed a few times and gotten back in prone position until I was gone. No. This guy was good.
This hand dryer turned off...
As I left the restroom...I left him with this greeting: "Well played, good sir. Well played."
I could hear him laughing well after I closed the door behind me.
That's my story, folks.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Goodnight, kids.
- Crazy
I shouldn't be alive...
The result of yesterday and today's beatings upon my physical and mental self is not pretty.
My body can't take this much longer.
: (
Thought for you all to just sit and ponder:
Hugs and kisses can only do so much. When you have time to talk to the one peroson who understands you...TALK TO THEM! In the name of all that which does not suck...TALK TO THEM!
*sigh*
( + 5 points if you are still happy...)
My body can't take this much longer.
: (
Thought for you all to just sit and ponder:
Hugs and kisses can only do so much. When you have time to talk to the one peroson who understands you...TALK TO THEM! In the name of all that which does not suck...TALK TO THEM!
*sigh*
( + 5 points if you are still happy...)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Short...
Yeah...this will be a pretty short one. I don't have much time. I just want to keep up with my promise of at least one blog per day.
: )
Today was a massacre.
Like I said, I was busy. Also, my shift changed from 9 hours to 10 hours. I've had longer shifts...but not when I came into work already tired. That was a huge mistake. Staying up until three writing to you beautiful people isn't something I regret. Staying up until three IS.
Also, I had a triple thick milkshake from McDonald's tonight. I haven't had one in years. Still amazing! It doesn't exactly quench the thirst though. Actually, I'm still pretty dehydrated... *sigh* I'll fix that soon.
Oh, if you could all pray for something in my life. It's sort of an unmentionable. (You know how that goes.) Just please pray for me.
If anyone, at any time, would like me to pray for them...I'd be more than happy to do so also. I love praying for people. : )
I met a cool guy today. He was a fire investigator for the state. Lols. He looked lonely eating at McDonald's and I decided to sit with him. He gave me this story about his son and how he didn't try very hard in high school or even early on in college...but then grew up and now he's a CSI!!! That's so cool! It reminded me of myself so much though. I feel like my dad sent this guy in there to talk sense into me about "trying" in school. Regardless, it was awesome.
Well, that's all I got, kids.
I'm gonna get clean and go to the Batman: Arkham Asylum midnight launch at GameStop! Woot!
: )
Today was a massacre.
Like I said, I was busy. Also, my shift changed from 9 hours to 10 hours. I've had longer shifts...but not when I came into work already tired. That was a huge mistake. Staying up until three writing to you beautiful people isn't something I regret. Staying up until three IS.
Also, I had a triple thick milkshake from McDonald's tonight. I haven't had one in years. Still amazing! It doesn't exactly quench the thirst though. Actually, I'm still pretty dehydrated... *sigh* I'll fix that soon.
Oh, if you could all pray for something in my life. It's sort of an unmentionable. (You know how that goes.) Just please pray for me.
If anyone, at any time, would like me to pray for them...I'd be more than happy to do so also. I love praying for people. : )
I met a cool guy today. He was a fire investigator for the state. Lols. He looked lonely eating at McDonald's and I decided to sit with him. He gave me this story about his son and how he didn't try very hard in high school or even early on in college...but then grew up and now he's a CSI!!! That's so cool! It reminded me of myself so much though. I feel like my dad sent this guy in there to talk sense into me about "trying" in school. Regardless, it was awesome.
Well, that's all I got, kids.
I'm gonna get clean and go to the Batman: Arkham Asylum midnight launch at GameStop! Woot!
Long time no see, kids!!!
After a long hiatus, you'll be glad to know my life is back in order.
Woot.
First things first:
Everyone will start off with 50 points this time. Use them wisely. Think before you read, people. You only have 50 points... (To those who are new to my blog...I use a points system. It's sort of an interactive way to get you to read the whole thing. Yeah...I know...I'm lame. BACK OFF!)
Example: ( - 10 points if you've never seen Gremlins.) < Just an example!!!
Now, back to me... : )
I'm finding myself back on track with God, I'm dating the most stunningly beautiful girl I've ever met (I'll go on about her more than I should...just warning you.), I have an awesome computer now, I'm getting plenty of hours at work, and I'm managing my money wisely. (To some extent...) This is what life SHOULD be like! I literally have NO complaints about my life right now. Do you know how many times that's happened to me?
Seriously?
Anyone want to take a guess?
Wait for it...
...
...
ZERO!!! < There it is, folks! There's the over-dramatic answer to my self-proposed question! ( + 10 points for getting it right.)
They say good things never last...but I have a feeling this will last. Life never lets go...I know that. Something will always be there to tear me apart. That's how life works. I just know I can get through it now. There is no hopelessness left for me. I'm good.
Well, if I haven't bored you to death yet...you'll be happy to know that I'm done with the part of my blog that has little-to-no entertainment value for you, the viewer.
Eli Roth's eyes in this film are just...ridiculous! He looks like he wants to kill Nazi's at all times. I love it!
( + 10 points if you can name Eli Roth's fiance...)
Relationships...
...ahhhhh
I love them.
It would be nice to copy my knowledge of relationships on a flash drive and plug it into other peoples' brains though. Maybe I just want everyone to think like me. : ) That'd be nice. Of course, if I truly wanted everyone to think like me, something would go wrong and THIS would probably happen:
Maybe this massive turn of events in my life has driven me to become slightly more chipper than I need to be, but I find it hard to look back now. I'm with Shelby now. She is the best. I don't just say that because we're dating either. I really mean it. She's all the little things I've been looking for. She's that girl who can answer my questions when I'm only halfway through asking them. She loves me for who I am and I return that love. It's not that complicated, people!
What I'm saying is...you know those lists that we used to make ourselves about who we wanted to be with later in life? (Maybe I'm the only GUY who did that...) Regardless, those lists need to be thrown out! Forget them entirely! No amount of pros or cons can really give you a solid "yes" or "no". You'll end up with a fairly weak argument for or against the guy or girl in your given situation. Love is simple. It's the only certainty we have.
That's it for now, kids.
I'll leave you with an old favorite.
Caption of the week.
For you noobs out there, this is pretty self-explanatory. I give you a picture...and you caption it. Make it funny, smart...I don't care. I'll choose the best one and whoever wins will personally receive a gift from me. It could be chocolate. It could be a trip to Jamaica. I don't know. I sort of play it by ear. I'll be doing this less frequently than I used to...mainly because it'd be nice to get more responses. I'm begging you...somebody out there PLEASE BE FUNNY!!!
..and here...we...go!
Good luck, kids.
I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. If you have any questions or concerns, please direct them back at my Facebook.
Goodnight, children.
First things first:
Everyone will start off with 50 points this time. Use them wisely. Think before you read, people. You only have 50 points... (To those who are new to my blog...I use a points system. It's sort of an interactive way to get you to read the whole thing. Yeah...I know...I'm lame. BACK OFF!)
Example: ( - 10 points if you've never seen Gremlins.) < Just an example!!!
Now, back to me... : )
I'm finding myself back on track with God, I'm dating the most stunningly beautiful girl I've ever met (I'll go on about her more than I should...just warning you.), I have an awesome computer now, I'm getting plenty of hours at work, and I'm managing my money wisely. (To some extent...) This is what life SHOULD be like! I literally have NO complaints about my life right now. Do you know how many times that's happened to me?
Seriously?
Anyone want to take a guess?
Wait for it...
...
...
ZERO!!! < There it is, folks! There's the over-dramatic answer to my self-proposed question! ( + 10 points for getting it right.)
They say good things never last...but I have a feeling this will last. Life never lets go...I know that. Something will always be there to tear me apart. That's how life works. I just know I can get through it now. There is no hopelessness left for me. I'm good.
Well, if I haven't bored you to death yet...you'll be happy to know that I'm done with the part of my blog that has little-to-no entertainment value for you, the viewer.
Are ya ready, kids?
The Man
I'm sure you all miss Dr. Mays as badly as I do. He showed me how to do...well...everything. To honor his large influence in my life, I've decided to go on a life-long journey. I will buy one product that he has sold a year EVERY year until I've bought all of them. Yes. I'm not kidding. I think I'll start with the original Oxy Clean this year. That was the first time I saw our beloved Billy. : ( He will be missed...
On to coolest movie still of the day!!! This is Cori's favorite part!
Here it is, folks:
Eli Roth's eyes in this film are just...ridiculous! He looks like he wants to kill Nazi's at all times. I love it!
( + 10 points if you can name Eli Roth's fiance...)
Relationships...
...ahhhhh
I love them.
It would be nice to copy my knowledge of relationships on a flash drive and plug it into other peoples' brains though. Maybe I just want everyone to think like me. : ) That'd be nice. Of course, if I truly wanted everyone to think like me, something would go wrong and THIS would probably happen:
I don't claim to know everything...just more than the average kid my age. (20 is still "kid" status, right?) I haven't just been in relationships. No. I've studied couples, read up on how different people perceive love as different things, and really gotten a sense of what attracts a person to another person.
( + 15 points if you've seen Hitch)
Maybe this massive turn of events in my life has driven me to become slightly more chipper than I need to be, but I find it hard to look back now. I'm with Shelby now. She is the best. I don't just say that because we're dating either. I really mean it. She's all the little things I've been looking for. She's that girl who can answer my questions when I'm only halfway through asking them. She loves me for who I am and I return that love. It's not that complicated, people!
What I'm saying is...you know those lists that we used to make ourselves about who we wanted to be with later in life? (Maybe I'm the only GUY who did that...) Regardless, those lists need to be thrown out! Forget them entirely! No amount of pros or cons can really give you a solid "yes" or "no". You'll end up with a fairly weak argument for or against the guy or girl in your given situation. Love is simple. It's the only certainty we have.
That's it for now, kids.
I'll leave you with an old favorite.
Caption of the week.
For you noobs out there, this is pretty self-explanatory. I give you a picture...and you caption it. Make it funny, smart...I don't care. I'll choose the best one and whoever wins will personally receive a gift from me. It could be chocolate. It could be a trip to Jamaica. I don't know. I sort of play it by ear. I'll be doing this less frequently than I used to...mainly because it'd be nice to get more responses. I'm begging you...somebody out there PLEASE BE FUNNY!!!
..and here...we...go!
Good luck, kids.
I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. If you have any questions or concerns, please direct them back at my Facebook.
Goodnight, children.
- Jacob Smith
Hey, kids...
I'd like to thank everyone who joined my group and I hope you enjoy my blog in the future.
Also...
Here's this:
http://perpetua.tumblr.com/post/79113431/were-turning-your-bedroom-back-into-the-computer
Also...
Here's this:
http://perpetua.tumblr.com/post/79113431/were-turning-your-bedroom-back-into-the-computer
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Spider-Man and my adventures as an unusual human being...
I'm currently playing the game Spider-Man: Web of Shadows for my PS3. Before you dismiss this as a gaming-related blog...listen to what I have to say. This game is fun, but it makes me want to shoot small mammals. In no way is it hard. It's just so full of glitches that it's nearly impossible to finish most of the missions.
This reminds me of the people around me. It's hard to get a coherent thought out because I know that somewhere between my central nervous system and the ears of those around me...my "thought" will get lost.
+10 points for thinking of a certain Bill Murray film dealing with this issue
This reminds me of the people around me. It's hard to get a coherent thought out because I know that somewhere between my central nervous system and the ears of those around me...my "thought" will get lost.
+10 points for thinking of a certain Bill Murray film dealing with this issue
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