Attention Cool Kids!!!

Yeah...

So, I know what you're thinking: "Jake...you aren't THAT crazy.  I'm crazier than you are!"

Well...

No.

No, you aren't.

If you find yourself being a lot like me or doing things resembling my lifestyle on a daily basis...I urge you to seek professional help.  This will help: 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  This is amazing!!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDBpQVhCMb8

Alright...let's get started here.

( + 10 points if you at at McDonald's in the passed three days)

Yeah, I was working when you got your food...I guarantee it!  I've worked far too much lately.  It's not that I particularly WANT to work.  I just need the money.  I have school to pay off.  Also, I have a girlfriend!  She claims to be inexpensive though.  I don't care how "inexpensive" she thinks she is...I'll buy her things she doesn't even LIKE...just so I can spend money on her. : )  She never asks for anything.  I mean, fo' reelz yo!  This girl's legit!  How many of you guys are looking for a girl like that?  All of you, you say?  FIND YOUR OWN!!!  Lols...I digress.  Other than that, I just need to keep money back for other things in the future.  Oh...and if your food wasn't that good...I wasn't working.  I like to maintain quality...even if it makes everyone working with me angry.  : )

( - 10 points if you work with me) ...sorry, Shelby.

I'm glad that you all invited people to my group...even if you were a little ridiculous about it.  Keep inviting people.  I mean, it's not necessarily important that everyone reads this blog.  I just want it to get big enough that Peter Jackson sees it and produces my first masterpiece.

That brings me to my next point.  I'm currently working on a horror film.  I'd like a little help with some stuff though.  Although she doesn't know it yet, Cori (my sister) and I will be writing the script soon.  Yes...it will be extremely campy. : )  Without a budget, it's nigh impossible to create a horror film that people can take seriously.  Also...I'm expecting some actors to volunteer.  If you can act...or even if you can't, but think you can (because I'm sure we'll see you regardless)...please let me know.  I'll be writing more on that later.

Just remember: Project Bludgeon. : )

I want criticism.  Seriously.

Tell me what's wrong with me.

Am I a jerk?  Am I a loser?  Do I talk to much?  Am I lazy?  I'd like to know.  If I have come off as a jerk to anyone...and I mean ANYONE...let me know.  Life's too short to not love everyone. 

Let's wrap this "shorterthaniwasexpecting" blog entry up with a little segment I like to call "What the heck, Jake?"

This is where I tell a story and you worry about my mental stability.

So...

I was at work yesterday when I got bored.  I asked if I could take a short bathroom break because we weren't busy.  So, I go to the little guys room...stand in front of the urinal...and start texting.  On the way in, I had noticed that a rather large individual (or so I was led to believe by his shadow) was in the actual stall, sitting down.  Now, I'm not sure how many of you have noticed it at this point in your lives, but when a person is in a stall and another person walks in the bathroom...their bowels seize to move.  It's an automatic reaction to other human beings watching you do that. 

Anyway,
I'm there...just texting muh gurl (Hi, Shelby!)...and this guy freezes!  He goes from rustling about, coughing, and breathing heavily...to complete silence.  So...I do what any respectable kid would do in my situation.

I kept texting.

I had planned on being in there for a minute tops.  Now...this was a game.  This was a challenge.  This was entertainment.  I wanted to see how long this ol' portly chap could last without losing his mind and giving in to the discomfort.  I made a bet with myself.  If this guy could hold out another two minutes, I'd congratulate him on the way out.  If he couldn't, I'd punish him.

It's also another rather common fact that when someone turns on the automatic hand dryer...the person in the stall goes about his or her business...knowing that they have just enough time to feel semi-accomplished.

He lost. : )

Within 45 seconds of my betting myself, the man gasped for air.  His breathing and rustling had continued.  One thing hadn't though.  : )  His bowels.

Perhaps the man knew full well that having anyone in the same bathroom with you makes the majority of people uncomfortable.  He was playing the game. 

This is what I did:

- I put my hands under the sink.
- I turned the water on...slowly...
- Reaching for the soap, I exclaimed, "Dang it!  They're out of soap again!"  (They weren't.)
- I turned the water off.
- I hit the towel machine a couple of times to get a towel out.
(Keep in mind...I've been in here for about 5 minutes...)
- I dry my hands off a little.
- I walk over to the automatic hand dryer and hit the button.

Yep.  Just like I had planned it...the man was good to go.  It was too good to pass up though. I quickly put my hand over the vent of the hand dryer...to silence it.   His reaction was nothing short of epic.

It was almost as if he knew I was messing with him.

He starts laughing.  Yes.  Laughing.  Whether it was to cover up the noise or because he thought something was funny, I'll never know.  Regardless, I'm impressed.  Most people would have coughed a few times and gotten back in prone position until I was gone.  No.  This guy was good.

This hand dryer turned off...

As I left the restroom...I left him with this greeting: "Well played, good sir.  Well played."

I could hear him laughing well after I closed the door behind me.





That's my story, folks.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Goodnight, kids.

- Crazy